your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
