Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
