I wish my penis had an off switch
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
