so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
