Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
