i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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