I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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