dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
