I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.