It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.