I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
