Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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