my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm going to jail i love you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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