she looked like the before picture.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
