I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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