evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
