i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
