I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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