Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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