Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
