I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
