I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
