i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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