yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
