And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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