I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
