I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
