Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
