hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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