Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
