my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We talked him into tasing himself.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
