I want to walk on stilts...naked
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
