Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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