im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
