Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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