The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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