i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
