There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
