Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
