He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
