Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
