who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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