just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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