She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
