Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
