I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
