Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your dad touched me again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
