shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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