someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
