Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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