Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you didnt know i had herpes?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
