Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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