dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
