if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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