I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
