If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just google imaged poop.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
