Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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