Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
40s are totally the cure
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
