He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
