I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
