its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
